A Positive Escape and a Digital Angel

A criticism I often see leveled at games and gaming is that it’s an “escape”. The idea is that, by immersing yourself in a game, you’re removing yourself from real life. Usually– though not always– there is often a sort of “hiding from your problems” undertone here. And is there a valid point here? Of course there is. One can escape into anything and games are not immune from this.

But what if an escape is good, sometimes?

Let me tell you all a little personal story. As you may or may not know, I have an anxiety disorder, and it’s one that is bad enough that I’m on meds and therapy for it. This disorder manifests itself in a few different ways, including panic attacks that strike at random and a never-ending undercurrent of worry. Aside from these, I’ve pinpointed a couple of specific triggers as well, one of which is being surrounded by people and having no escape route. I wish I could express how terrifying this is to me. I guess I’ll just say that when that feeling strikes, I’ve never felt more like the rabbit species that I frequently compare myself to.

I'm certainly not a very terrifying one.

To make things worse, I currently work in retail, where being surrounded by people is a given. Working weekends– the busy days– is hell, but nothing is more hellish than working during the holiday season, which basically feels like a neverending stream of weekends.

Where am I going with this? Well, let me tell you a bit about this last holiday season. It was about halfway into December and with just a couple of weeks left before Christmas, things were really starting to pick up. Going into work every day was utterly terrifying. We were understaffed, overworked, and I was surrounded by hundreds of squirming, loud, and demanding bodies coming from every direction. I think my anxiety must have been emanating from my brain and pouring out my ears. It was pretty rough. There is one thing that really kept me from completely losing it, though:

Skyrim.

See, Mister Adequate, sweetheart that he is, got it for me as an early Birthday/Christmas present, so I started playing it at right about the time that work was getting really bad. And for those few anxious weeks, it became my escape. I could come home from the worst, most anxiety-inducing day at work and bury myself in a beautiful world of near-solitude, wandering around and harvesting herbs and listening to the gentle flow of the rivers that crisscrossed Tamriel. Sometimes my mind would start to wander back to real life and to the impending next work day, but I soon learned to keep my mind “bounded” within the confines of the television screen, so to speak. If my thoughts wandered, I’d catch myself and refocus myself on the crisp visuals of the game and lose myself in them again. Skyrim taught me this skill, and I was able to use it to calm myself and keep my anxiety levels down even after the very worst days.

The game’s story, too, was therapeutic; this will sound remarkably cheesy but the truth is that thinking of myself as Dragonborn and of every day of work as a dragon to slay made going in so much easier than it would have been otherwise.

Just like this.

Well, to make a long story short, I survived the holidays and came out none the worse for wear. It’s March, now, and Christmas is long gone. I haven’t played Skyrim in a little while. In fact, I sort of fizzled out on it not long after the holidays were over. I’ve returned to my strategy games. In a way, though, I think of that game as a digital guardian angel which descended from the gaming gods to make sure I got through a rough period in my life alright, and then stepped back into the shadows once it saw that I’d be okay. It’ll be there if I need it again, just like all the other games which held my hand and guided me through rough and uncertain times in my life: Final Fantasy 6. Yoshi’s Island. Ocarina of Time.

Gaming is an escape, but sometimes it’s an escape you need more than anything else. And that’s a truth that this little bunny knows very well.

6 thoughts on “A Positive Escape and a Digital Angel”

  1. That’s a great story on how beneficial video games can be, people can sometimes forget the good this media can produce.

    If you haven’t read it yet, may I suggest the book Reality is Broken by Jane McGonigal. She researched the positive effects that video games can do to a person, it was a good read.

  2. I think the point at which the escape and hiding becomes damaging is when you allow the game to become everything and neglect taking care of problems in your own life. You’re obviously still going to work each day, and you’re taking care of your anxiety (the meds and the therapy). So in your case I wouldn’t really categorize it as being negative in that way.

    You might be using it to cope, and while you would say remove yourself, I’d disagree. You’re clearly taking part in real life in ways that are beneficial to you.

    Also: agoraphobia. It’s a fear of having a panic attack in an area where escape or help would be difficult to get. It’s a subset of panic disorder, something most of us who get attacks have in a greater or lesser form.

  3. Gaming may be an escape, but it’s still merely that. You’re still going to have to deal with the “real world” sooner or later, just keep that in mind.

    Not to judge you, because no one but you has any semblance of a right to do so, but are you really sure you want to justify every day by an escape? It amazes me you manage not to short-circuit it and jump straight to the escape.

    1. The way I see it is that I already deal with the real world on a regular basis! Work isn’t exactly something that I can quit doing, so I have no way to escape that.

  4. Have you tried meditation to relieve your anxiety? Specifically, mindfulness meditation? You might want to try it out. You don’t have to pay anything, there are plenty of mediation exercises out there on the net. 10-15 minutes a day can really make a difference.

  5. I don’t see that as much of a problem. I was at one point in time in the negative side of the escape, parking myself in front of the computer and spend every waking moment between the time I got home from work until the time I went to bed in the world of Azeroth. (Unless I had my daughter. Then it was from the time I took her home until bed) because I couldn’t (still can’t, really) stand the real world. It was also a good way for me to ignore my cynical nature when it came with dealing with people.

    Now I use gaming as a way to unwind after a long day. I may play some SWTOR with some friends for a couple of hours, I may play a little Modern Warfare 3 with my cousin (I don’t have the twich reflexes to keep up with the kids and I actually have a theory…), play a game of Settlers of Catan or some other game (which start out fun but get frustrating when everyone else’s competitiveness starts to take over) or some Magic: the Gathering.

    The way I see it, life is stressful. Any source of stress relief is good as long as you don’t do it in excess.

Comments are closed.